Emotion Coaching: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Your Child Manage Big Emotions and Build Lifelong Skills

by Dr. Kim Bowers Yoshino August 14, 2025

When your child melts down because their tower of blocks falls over or a friend says something unkind, you might be tempted to jump straight into “fix it” mode. But what if, in that moment, you could give your child a skill that helps them handle every big feeling for the rest of their life?

That’s exactly what emotion coaching does. It’s a research-based parenting strategy that helps children understand their emotions, regulate their reactions, and develop emotional intelligence that benefits them socially, academically, and mentally for years to come.

What Is Emotion Coaching?

Emotion coaching is a five-step approach, originally developed by psychologist Dr. John Gottman, that turns everyday emotional moments into powerful teaching opportunities.

Here’s how it works:

Notice the emotion: Pay attention to facial expressions, tone, or body language. You can narrate what you see: "Your voice is getting really loud and your hands are in fists." Or simply state, "You seem really upset."
Connect with empathy: Let your child know you understand they’re upset. A simple "I can see why that would make you feel that way," goes a long way.
Validate their feelings: Show that you take their emotions seriously. It's important for your child to know that their emotions are normal and that others have them too.
Label the emotion: Give them the words: “You’re feeling frustrated,” “That’s disappointment.”
Set limits and problem-solve: Help them express emotions safely and work together on a solution that makes everyone feel good. Finding a middle ground that your child, their sibling or friend, and you feel good about is essential.

Instead of dismissing emotions (“You’re fine, stop crying!”) or punishing emotional expression, emotion coaching helps kids feel heard and equips them to manage their own reactions.

Long-Term Benefits of Emotion Coaching for Children

Decades of research show that children who are emotion-coached:

Develop higher emotional intelligence: They can identify, name, and manage emotions more effectively.
Have better self-regulation: Fewer tantrums and better coping during stress.
Build resilience: They bounce back from setbacks faster.
Excel socially and academically: Improved peer relationships and greater school engagement.
Experience fewer mental health problems: Lower rates of anxiety and depression.
Form stronger bonds with parents and caregivers: Trust and emotional safety deepen family connection.

These benefits don’t happen overnight, but consistent emotion coaching creates lasting change.

How You Can Start Emotion Coaching Today

Here are practical tips for emotion coaching at home:

Pause before reacting: Notice your child’s body language and tone.
Empathize first: “That sounds frustrating,” “I can see you’re upset.”
Name the feeling: Use simple, clear language. Emotion wheels or posters can come in handy.
Teach safe expression: “It’s okay to be angry, but hitting isn’t okay.”
Problem-solve together: Brainstorm solutions or coping strategies.

Why Emotion Coaching Matters More Than Ever

Childhood is full of big transitions. As children start school, their friendships change, academic demands increase, and expectations for independence arise. Sometimes families move, financial struggles arise, parents divorce, or a loss happens. Regardless of the context, children are still learning how to navigate complex emotions, and your guidance can make the difference between your child feeling overwhelmed and feeling capable.

By using emotion coaching, you’re not just helping your child get through a tough moment. You’re teaching skills they will use for the rest of their lives and, hopefully, pass on to their children.

If you want to see emotion coaching in action, check out our books. Each story weaves in real-life examples of how parents and caregivers can guide children through big feelings with empathy and skill.

And, if no one has told you this today...you're doing great. Parenting is the most important "job" we'll ever have and one that we have the least training for. You are not alone, and we're grateful to have you in our community.

All the Best,
Dr. Kim Bowers Yoshino